Wednesday, 1 August 2012

Let's Go For Coffee

Lately I have noticed that friends, acquaintances, and I have been agreeing to make plans to ‘hang out’ or ‘go for coffee’, but nothing comes of it. I have begun to suspect that some of my friends say they want to get together but don’t truly mean it. Others, I can tell that they are sincere when they wish to make plans.

It is when I say something like “great! What days are you available?” that they respond with “oh, well I’m pretty busy, but I’ll get back to you" that I realize that they probably don’t really want to get together; they were just trying to be nice.

Has it become a social convention to simply say those words, “let’s get together sometime”, when no one really means it? If so, why do you suppose we all fall in with that trend?

I, myself, never say it without meaning it. When I tell a friend that I want to get together, go for coffee sometime, or get our kids together for a playdate, I genuinely mean it. I’m a stay-at-home mom; I generally do not speak to adults in my daily routine until my husband gets home from work. I need the social interaction. So when I try to make plans with a friend and they don’t follow through, it does more than disappoint.

I know that my friends do not mean to insult. They are simply busy. I understand, as I have been busy myself from time to time. But when I am too busy, I endeavor to make alternate plans for the next week or another day.

I am beginning to fear that this social convention is to become a permanent statement in the average conversation. I hear it everywhere, and not always directed at me. Old friends from highschool or old acquaintances will bump into each other at a coffee shop and say “wow, it’s so great to see you again! We should get together and catch up!” But do you truly believe that they’ll ‘get together’? Probably not.

How about you? Do you use this statement on a regular basis? Do you ever follow through with it? Do you, like me, fear that this statement is here to stay? Have you ever been on the receiving end of this statement and been disappointed with the outcome?


  1. Whenever I say it, I mean it. I'm fortunate to still be in contact with friends from high school and earlier. As a matter of fact, just last weekend, I got together with high school friends, one of which came in from Ontario. Another just got into town and I hope we can see her while she's in town.

    I remember being a stay-at-home mom and it was nice to have those friends to 'escape' with for an hour or two. I'm sorry you're having trouble connecting with your friends. Sometimes it is hard to make arrangements to have coffee with a friend when babysitters need to be arranged, or wait until the dads can watch the kids so you both can have that respite and time to reconnect. I hope the trend will reverse itself so you can keep in touch with the important people in your life.

    BTW, there is a blog game of TAG going around. Consider yourself 'tagged'. If you want to play, check out my blog. :)

    1. It's really good that you're able to connect with your friends and acquaintances like that!

      You're right, it is really nice to get away for an hour or two to chat with an old friend. I wish it happened more often!

      I'd love to play tag! Sounds fun!